Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
