Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I FOUND THE LEGS
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
