btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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