dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
