god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i will never coherently bang her
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
