worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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