I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Send help, water and tortillas.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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