4 words: hood of his car
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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