This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
How's work?
Spinning.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
