Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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