The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
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I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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