this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
