he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
