I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my shit smells like andre
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
