swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
