aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
