my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I stole a fireplace last night.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
