Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
