omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
