yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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