I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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