everyone is single if you try hard enough
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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