Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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