you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
