It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
