I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
