so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
