I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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