Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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