Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
