Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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