I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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