I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
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Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
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Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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