He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
