I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
