Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
