there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
