Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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