im drinking this country out of the recession.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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