Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
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Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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