So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
