if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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