Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
