found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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