I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Randomize
