apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
