I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
