How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
