I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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