I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
