If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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