She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize