I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
