you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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