god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
