i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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