you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
