I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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