i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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