thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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