I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
