Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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