whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
