yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
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I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
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think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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